How to unlock your potential
In one of my previous blog posts I wrote about the difference between using the phrase “need to” versus using “want to”. This post is a continuation to that.
It is no doubt that our upbringing and education has a great influence on our thinking patterns. Thinking back on the last 20 or so years, my life has been filled with urgency, catching up, and not trying to fall behind. This has now revealed itself to me as “need to” mentality.
A big portion of the time, when we say or think that we need to do something, it is usually caused by external factors. These external factors can include other people’s opinions, other people’s expectations, our need to fit in, and our need to survive. No double that all of these are valid reasons to do something. Not long ago, our survival depended on all of those factors actually. Not even 100 years ago, standing out from the crowd could have severe consequences. It is difficult for us to imagine but duels were still a frequent occurrence in the 19th century.
Our brains have learned to adapt to such environments by implementing the “need to” mentality. In reality that means that we have a healthy brain that is functioning well to keep us alive, so we must thank ourselves for it. The problem is that we are no longer under much danger in the 21 century. So we need to work with our brain and show it that there is no danger lurking around the corner. It is alright if someone doesn’t like us. It is alright to sometimes disappoint people so that we can look better after our own needs. It is not selfish to look after our own needs first.
In reality, you don’t “need” to do anything…
The First Step
To break free from impure motivations, we must first be aware of our motivations. Next time you notice yourself saying “I need to do (something)”, try to understand why you said that you “need” to do it. Why didn’t you say that you “want” to do it?
This can be something as easy as “I need to finish the report by tomorrow”. Realizing these thought patterns can be a huge shift in reframing your motivations. Ask yourself, “Why did I feel that I need to finish the report?” Are you worried about disappointing your boss if you don’t? Will you lose your job if you don’t? And if you lose your job, you won’t be able to afford your apartment, your car, etc. This is all true. But does it make you feel empowered thinking of it that way?
Saying “I want to finish the report by tomorrow” puts you in a much better position. “I want to impress my boss because I think we make a great team together”, “I want to be able to get the promotion so that I can have more autonomy in my work”, “I want to do my best on this report because I know I am capable”. Doesn’t that sound much better than “needing” to do something because of all those consequences. By rephrasing your thoughts, you are putting yourself in a much better mental position and giving yourself the control over the situation instead of feeling obligated to do something.
We all feel more energetic from feeling empowered and in control of our lives.
